apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
