i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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