I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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