i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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