You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
