John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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