i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
