no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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