I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
