i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
