Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
