it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
