why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
