I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
