went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
