glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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