How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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