I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
