Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There r osticjed everywhere
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
