I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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