Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
