i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
