he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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