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I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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