just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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