every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
