I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
