Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
