the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
