Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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