Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
