I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She bit a glass in half.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Enjoy the penises
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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