He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
