You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
