We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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