College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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