Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
