The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
