Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
