The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
