the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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