I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
