He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
