I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
