This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
