you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
