also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
