Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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