It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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