Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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