Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
