Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Small penises have feelings too.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
