I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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