this beer tastes like vomit already
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
