Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
