i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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