dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
