I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
