So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
