Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
