You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
