Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
