And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I show you my penis last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
