Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
