If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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