got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
