She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
