if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
