Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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