She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
