if i can run in heels then i can drive
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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