It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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