I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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